


Yeah...If only

by Alex_Marie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Betrayal, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Grisha Yeager's Bad Parenting, I swear, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Running Away, Scars, Self-Hatred, There's A Tag For That, Verbal Abuse, Wow, asshole grisha, fluffy stuff, not totally depressing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_Marie/pseuds/Alex_Marie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Eren Jaeger, I live a life of a normal teenage guy. I'm seventeen and go to school with my two best friends Armin and Mikasa. My life is the best. I have wonderful loving parents and an amazing house. I'm the star of the football team. I have everything I could ever want and more.</p><p>	Yeah...... If only</p><p>By that I mean my life is a living hell. In some aspects of my life I would be considered normal but that's just the show I put on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The person I wish I wasn't

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys it's me!!!!!! This is something new i've been writing. This is only my second fic to post up on Archive of our own so please no hateful or mean words. I honestly don't take that kinda stuff well, my anxiety starts acting up. If you like it please leave a comment, it would make my day.

Chapter 1

 

My name is Eren Jaeger, I live a life of a normal teenage guy. I'm seventeen and go to school with my two best friends Armin and Mikasa. My life is the best. I have wonderful loving parents and an amazing house. I'm the star of the football team. I have everything I could ever want and more.

Yeah...... If only

By that I mean my life is a living hell. In some aspects of my life I would be considered normal but that's just the show I put on for show. Only one person knows whats really going on in the shadows in my life and I doubt anyone else ever will.

I go to school everyday only to come home every night to my abusive father. My father has abused me ever since my mother died when I was nine. I'm very good at hiding my emotions. I'm also very good at hiding all the bruises my foes give me. There are scars all over my arms and all over my back and torso. The ones on my arms are from myself and all the pain I try to release, the ones on my back and torso are from the brutal beatings I got with the belt.

Every night I close my eyes and hope for this all to be a dream but I'm not that lucky. I go to bed every night with a heart full of dread and wake up every morning feeling worse than the previous one. After the lost of my mother nothing was ever the same for me. She died of cancer at the age of thirty-nine and my father blames me for her getting sick. The only thing that I have left of her is a key necklace that she used to wear all the time. I keep it with me all the time and it almost feels like she's with everywhere I go. If only she was......

The ache in my heart proves as a reminder as to how worthless I am, as to how much my father hates me. He hates me so much the only time he looks at me is when he's beating me. He comes home almost every night in a drunken rage and takes his anger out on me. Unfortunately tonight was one of those nights.

I was sitting in my room drawing when I heard the front door slam shut, I heard the heavy thuds on the stairs coming closer. I knew what was going to happen and I didn't even have time to brace myself before he barged threw my door. By the time I registered what was happening his fist was already impacting my face. I wheeled back but not fast enough, he grabbed the front of my shirt to keep me in place as he planted another punch. I tried covering my face with my hands as he threw me to the floor. I curled up into a fetal position as he started kicking me. He kicked my back making me arch as soon as my arms moved even the slightest he drove his foot into my gut causing the air to leave. I gasped for air as he repeated the movement. All I could do was lay there and take it, I’ve tried to fight back before but I was always to weak. He beat me in both size and strength. When he finally stopped kicking me he looked down at me with utter disgust, he pulled his foot back one more time before landing the last kick into my face. He then turned on his heel slamming the door shut behind him. 

I lay there feeling numb, I hear him slam his bedroom door shut to pass out for the night. I try to move but it's to painful. I start to crawl over to my bed to grab my phone. I reach my hand up to feel around for it, finally I find it and grab it. I scroll through my contacts looking for the only one who knows.

Hanji.

Hanji is the only one who knows about everything going on in my life. Mikasa and Armin were always to oblivious to all of it and I didn't dare to tell them, they would probably leave when they found out. I've been very distant with them and have “lost contact” with them. I was at school when Hanji found out. I was walking with her to our next class and I collapsed to the ground. She took me to the nurses office and helped me. Since she's training to be a nurse I knew she knew what she was doing. She went to check my heart beat and I didn't realize at the time that she had to lift my shirt. I had major slash marks on my torso and back, I put up a fight but ended up giving in. She found out and asked me questions, I told her everything and she swore never to tell another person. I knew I could trust her, her and I have become really good friends since then. She's always checking up on me, making sure I'm okay.

I scrolled through until I found her name and number, I clicked on her name and the phone dialed. It rang a few times until I heard a familiar click and her voice rang through.

“Eren, is everything okay?” Her voice sounded worried and I could understand why, I've never called her before unless it was important.

“Hanji I need...” I got cut off as I started to cough. I turned my head into the crook of my elbow. When I brought my arm away I noticed the blood, I wiped my lips to see if the blood came from my mouth. I pulled my hand back and looked at the blood on my hand.

“Eren! What happened? What do you need?” Her voice was full of command. I sucked in a breath to try and continue.

“Hanji...I-I need... I need you to come get me....please...” I said breathlessly. My voice was very quiet and soft. It almost sounded broken. I hated how it sounded and the only reason why it sounds like that is because of him.

“Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can.” She almost sounded scared, I could understand why. She does know what has been happening and how bad my father strikes me.

“Okay.....I'll b-be waiting o-outside...” After that I hung up. I dragged my ass to the dresser and grabbed one of the handles to pull myself up. I winced at the pain but managed. I limped over to my closet and grabbed my bag, stuffing it with my materials for school and some extra clothes. I walked over to my bedside table and grabbed my wallet. Once I had everything I made my way over to my door.

I opened it slowly to avoid any noise, I made my way slowly down the stairs. Once down there I walked over to the front door and opened it hoping it wouldn't wake the monster up stairs. I closed it gently behind me and walked to the sidewalk to wait for Hanji. I stood there for a good five minutes before she pulled up next to me. I threw my bag into the trunk and got in the front seat with her.

“Oh Eren.....Honey are you okay? You look awful.” She was looking over my face. I didn't have to look in the mirror to know how bad it was. He's hit me in the face multiple times before and tonight was no different.

“He got me pretty good, I don't know how much more of this I can take.....Hey Hanji is it okay if I stay with you for a couple of days.” My voice was barely a whisper, I hope she could hear me. She put her hand over mine and smiled.

“Of course you can Eren.” With that she started driving in the direction of her apartment. I sat back in the seat and tried to relax and ended up drifting off.

I woke up to Hanji lightly pushing at my shoulder. She helped me out of the car and handed me my bag, we started up the stairs and she stopped to unlock her door. We walked inside and she motioned for me to sit on the couch. I sat at the end of the couch and set my bag in my lap. Hanji walked over to me and squatted in front of me, she held me hands in hers and looked me in the eyes.

“What happened tonight Eren?” She sounded concern and I completely understood why, she knows everything that has happened to me so far in life and some of my personal feelings as well. She knew this all was hard on me and she tried to help every possible way she could. I gripped her hands a little tighter as I took in a deep breath.

“I was just sitting on my bed drawing when I h-heard him come home. He barged through my door and started with punches to my face, I tried covering m-my face and then he threw me to the g-ground. He started kicking my back and then my chest. When he was d-done he took a final blow to me face and left, going into his room to passed out for the night and that's when I-I called you.” Once I was done I started coughing, I covered my mouth with my hand and when I pulled it away there was blood again. Hanji grabbed my wrist to look and then looked at my mouth. She grabbed my chin genitally and opened my mouth.

“Eren you said he kicked you in the chest?” I nodded. She got up and pulled me up too. I couldn't really resist, I wasn't at my strongest. She pulled me back outside and into the car. She quickly started the car and started driving.

“Hanji? Where are we going? What's wrong?” She started shaking her head a little. I tried looking at the street names to get a clue but it was to dark and I didn't have my contacts in.

“You said he kicked your chest and then you started coughing up blood, he might have broken or punctured something and if that's the case I want to get you to the doctors immediately. Worst case possible is that you'll have to tell them what happened.” My eyes widened, I couldn't let anyone know not even Hanji was suppose to know. I started shaking my head even though she couldn't see me.

“I can always say that I got into a fight with a stranger.” I tried to come up with anything that I could use instead of telling the truth. I can't let anyone else know, that would become a disaster. 

“Eren you can't lie, they would ask you series of questions and if they found out that you lied you'd get into serious trouble. And as your only friend who knows of this current situation I will not let that happen.” She sounded so serious, I never knew that Hanji really cared for me.

“Hanji can't you just give me the check-up, please Hanji I don't want anyone else to find out.” I was on the verge of tears, I really didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want anyone’s pity or help, I wanted to get through this on my own. She pulled the car over and turned her body to face me. I tried to see but my eyesight was obscured with unshed tears, I blinked and they all came down. I could see it in Hanji's face that she was surprised, she has only seen me cry once before and that's when I told her everything. She leaned over to me and pulled me into a gentle hug minding my injuries.

“Eren I understand that you don't want people to know but this is getting out of control. I really want to help but I don't know how without telling other people. I'll take you back to my place and give you a look over but I'm not promising good news.” I was comforted by her words but something clicked in my mind.

We got back to her place and she looked me over, thank god nothing was seriously damaged. She let me crash on her couch and told me to go get her if I needed anything. When she retreated back to her room I curled into a ball in the corner of the couch, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to sleep.

My mind was going and my thoughts were coming in fast. When she said that she didn't know how to help me without telling other people, does that mean she told someone. What if she did? What if someone else knew? What if they knew all about me and what happened? What if Hanji is telling someone what happened at this very moment? If she did than she would have broken my trust and I would have nobody.

I got up from the couch and walked over to Hanji's room and put my ear up to the door. I listened closely and heard Hanji talk to someone over the phone.” I want to help him but I don't know how. You know is past, what would you do?” I was furious. I can't believe she told somebody. She promised she wouldn't, she lied to me, she told somebody and that means somebody else knows my life. That's fucking private shit, you can't just tell people about others life's. I walked back into the living room and grabbed my bag.

I walked over to the front door and opened it slowly to avoid any noise. I slipped out into the cold air and started walking down the stairs passing somebody along the way. I thought of a few places I could go but some weren't reasonable. But there was someone I could possibly go to, as much as I hate to say it I at least have to try.

It took me about twenty minutes to get to Jeans house. I walked up to the door and knocked. Nobody answered at first so I knocked again a little louder, this time a horsed face jackass appeared at the door. He gave me a confused face at first but then scowled at me.

“What the hell are you doing here, Jaeger?” His tone was bordering on annoy and confusion. I took in a deep breath. I didn't want to ask for help but I knew I couldn't stay on the streets.

“As much as I hate to say this but I need your help.” He looked at my face more intently, his eyes widened just a little as he cleared his voice. He stepped aside letting me enter, I walked in and he shut the door behind me.

“Mind telling me what happened to your face.” He said in his usual bored expression. I took in a deep breath. As much as I hated doing this I knew I had to give him some sort of explanation. I thought about telling jean everything but would that lead to another broken trust. I thought about it for a second and thought what else could I lose.

“Mind us sitting down so I can tell you this?” I asked. His face got serious and he nodded. We went up the his bedroom and took a seat on his bed. “First I need to ask you one thing.” He nodded again. “Can I trust you.” His face went back to a scowl and he laughed.

“Come on Jaeger have a little more faith in me.” He sneered. “Of course you can trust me, It's me and beside whatever you're going to tell me can't be that bad.” I looked him dead in the eye to answer him, I had on my complete serious face.

“Yes it can.” I answered him. He must have seen the seriousness in my face because his face grew dark and his scowl disappeared. He nodded his head, silently telling me to continue.

 

I had to hold back the tears cause no way I was going to cry in front horse face. After I had told him everything his scowl disappeared into a sympathetic face. I wanted to punch him for it but held back.

“Look I don't want your pity, I'm just asking if I could stay here for awhile.” His eyes widened a little but then nodded. I got up from the bed and ran my hands through my hair. I paced a little until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Jean standing behind me. I gave him a questioning look and he sighed.

“Look I know that we usually don't get along but we are friends, I'm not Hanji. Your secret is safe with me.” And that's when the tears rolled down my face. He gave me a shocked face but pulled me into a hug, patting my back a few times before pulling away.

“You tell anyone I cried I'll castrate you and you can say goodbye to sex with Marco.” I glared at him. His face turned a nice shade of red. He laughed a little and I couldn't help but join in.

“You tell anyone I hugged you and I'll do the same.” He smirked a little. I smiled a little at feeling some weight lift off my shoulders.

–--

That night he let me use his couch as a bed instead of the floor, though I don't think I'm going to be sleeping. I still had to come up with what I was going to do, we had school on Monday meaning I only had two days to figure out what I was going to do. By morning Hanji should notice I am gone but what would she do. She'd probably call my phone relentless but I'd have to answer her at least once and tell her that she could no longer be trusted and that I was done being her friend.

I knew I had to go back to my house at some point or he'll get suspicious. I just have to figure what to do from here, when I do get back and if he questions me I can always say that I had to work on a project for a class with Jean. I have been saving up money and for quite some time now. I've been saving ever since I was little, I even got a job to earn more money. That job lasted me few years until I was fired because school was getting in the way to much. I knew that I had to have more than a thousand with how long I've been saving.

I knew that I couldn't leave but I had to have a plan if I intended to do so. I wonder what would have happened if mom didn't die, I wonder if dad would be different. I wonder if my life would be different, then maybe I would be able to have friends like everyone else. I wonder if things were different then maybe I could go for the guy I like...like.....no more like love, I’m pretty sure that I'm in love with him but I don't think he's ever noticed me but one can only hope for something like that.

And I soon drifted off to sleep with the images of a raven haired boy with piercing gray eyes.


	2. The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conflict between Eren and Hanji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys!!! 
> 
> First of all I want to apologize for not updating, I have been terribly sick these past couple weeks and had to be hospitalized for most of it but I'm finally back so here is another chapter. I hope you guys like it and if you can please leave a comment, It would make my day cx 
> 
> There are some feels ( at least I thought so ) in this chapter and something happens that I doubt anyone thought would happen. I mean i didn't even see it coming XD 
> 
> Now on with the story, enjoy!!

I felt a little better after spending the weekend with Jean, it was filled with movies, video games, arm wrestling and my favorite was the selfie wars we did. I swear we were the dorkiest people on the planet. I had gotten many calls and texts from Hanji but didn't respond to any of them. I hadn't gotten any from my dad but I didn't really expect to.

Monday rolled around and I was getting a little nervous, I knew Hanji would try and talk to me but I had to remind myself what she did. I knew I had to go back to my house today and I was preparing myself for the worst. I thanked what ever lucky stars I had because my first class was with Jean. I realized that he was a lot nicer once you got to know him and you weren't constantly picking on each other.

I walked out of my first class and I was immediately approached by Hanji but she wasn't alone, a certain ravened hair boy was with her. I knew what was going to play out.... at least I thought I did.

“Eren!” Hanji screamed running towards me. I put on one of my death glares and looked at her. She stopped when she was a few feet away from me, she bent over to catch her breath and started speaking.

“Where did you go Friday I was worried, I came to check on you and you and your stuff were gone.” She panted out, concern and worry painting her features and tone. I almost wanted to forgive her but I knew I couldn't.

“Why did you leave?” She tried reaching out and putting her hand on my arm but I jerked it away. She gave me a confused look. “Eren, what's wrong?”

“You're what's wrong! Did you honestly think I wouldn't figure it out!” I was furious with her. I told that bitch everything and I trusted her.

“Eren, what are you talking about?” She seemed very confused by my sudden anger and it made me even more livid.

“I trusted you!” I was clutching my hands into fists, my nails digging into the flesh.” I told you everything and you betrayed me! I thought you were my friend Hanji!” Realization seeped into her face and she started tearing up.

“Eren I am your friend.” She said in a soft voice. She tried reaching out again but I moved back.

“No! You're not, not anymore! I trusted you and you betrayed me! You lied to me, Hanji! You know how I am when it comes to trusting people but you did it anyways.” There was angry tears swelling in my eyes, threatening to escape but I knew I couldn't let that happen, not here, not now, not with all these people around us, definitely not with him standing right there. “Some fucking friend you are, oh wait were, some kind of friend you were!” And with that I turned on my heel and started towards the exit, I heard Hanji yelling after me but I just kept walking.

When I got outside the building I started running, I ran to the furthest corner of the field. I bent over to catch my breath before I started walking into the patch of trees. I looked up at one and started to climb it, once finally up I seated myself and waited. I left my backpack in my locker and I had to get it but I didn't want to see Hanji so I decided to wait until after school.

 

Levi

Let me explain Eren Jaeger.

Eren is a junior at shingashina high just like me. He has beautifully tanned skin, chestnut brown hair that flows over his stunning eyes. His eyes are blue but also green. They shine bright when the light hits them just right. His lips are a light shade of pink. I forced myself to admit that I did have feelings for him. I haven't told anyone but Hanji does suspect. I want to go right up to him and tell him but somethings holding me back. Fear, embarrassment, losing my pride if he rejects me, No. It's none of those things it's how he acts, not around me but with anyone. He's always alone, always quiet, usually sits with no one. He's always closed off and distant. Sometimes he'd come to school with bruises on his skin, even though he'd put makeup on them I could still tell. He always sits in the back of the classroom. There is always this distant look in his eyes.

Nobody ever trys talking to him cause he won't answer back. The teachers don't even bother with him anymore but he does get his work done. I've only seen him talk to two people before, Hanji and some horse faced dude. I don't know his relationship with the horse but I know it's not romantic. Hanji on the other hand, I can tell there kinda good friends but I know that it only happened accidentally. Hanji said that they were paired as lab partners and had to talk. One day in the hallway they were walking to their class when Eren collapsed. Hanji helped him to the nurses office and that was that. Afterwords Hanji grew very....... concerned of the boy. She never told me anything about him so I guess it's some big secret. I hope one day that I'll be able to be close to him cause to be honest I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him

\----- 

One night I was out jogging when I saw him coming out of a house, I'm guessing it was his house. He looked pretty bad though, he had bruises forming on his face and he had a limp in his step. He stood there by the sidewalk for a few minutes while I stood behind a bush so I couldn't be seen.

Soon a car pulled up to the sidewalk right in front of him, I immediately recognized who the car belonged to. Hanji. She helped him inside the car and drove off. I was left standing on the sidewalk feeling odd. I had this bad feeling in my stomach but tried to dismiss it. Had something happened to him in that house. I looked back towards his house and from I could see it looked like a normal house but you never know whats hiding on the inside. 

I decided to call Hanji but she didn't answer. I jogged back towards my apartment. I lived in it by myself, It was a decent size place to, two bedrooms with one bathroom. It had a pretty big kitchen and a pretty good sized living room. I took the elevator to the third floor and to my room. I walked in, taking my shoes off at the door. I walked into my kitchen and grabbed a glass of water and sat down on my coach.

What the hell happened to him, he didn't look like that today at school. I pulled my phone out again trying to call shitty glasses but to no avail. I stood up and slipped my shoes again. I walked out of my apartment for the second time that night. I jogged my way over to Hanji's, it wasn't far but it also wasn't close.

About twenty minutes of jogging I found my self in front of Hanji's apartment complex. I started my way up the stairs and I heard somebody heading down them. I pulled my hood over my head so who ever it was couldn't see my face. When me and the other person crossed paths I got a look at there face. It was him. Eren.

He had a bag thrown over his shoulder and seemed to be in a hurry. He hurried down the rest of the stairs and down the street. I stood there staring at him until he disappeared into the shadows.

 

I spent most of the weekend thinking. Thinking why Eren had looked so bad that night. If that was his house or not. Why Hanji picked him up and why he left her place in the middle of the fucking night. What happened to Eren in that house. Was he going to be there at school today.

I was cut out of my thoughts when I got a text. I looked down at my phone and shitty glasses name flashed across the screen. “Do you want me to swing by and pick you up?” I tsked at her message. I can walk my little ass to school thank you very much. I sent her a quick text back saying no and left my apartment.

The walk to school wasn't long but this time was different, this was the first time I noticed that I had to walk by Eren's house. When I walked by it, it sent chills up my spine. Even when I was past it I couldn't help but look back at it. There was something up with that house that I didn't like, that I didn't trust and to top it all off, that was where Eren lived.

When I got to school I was approached by Hanji. She grabbed me by my arm and started dragging me with her where ever the fuck she was going. I tried to get her to let go but that didn't happen.

“Dammit shitty glasses, let go of me!” I all but yelled at her. Still trying to get out of her grasp.

“Levi I need to find Eren, that's why I need you.” She looked back at me for a second before returning her gaze in front of us. I didn't bother arguing with her because I knew it wouldn't work. Persistent little shit.

We were walking down the hall when she finally let go and started running forwards. Ahead of me I saw Eren walking out of a classroom. He turned towards us when Hanji yelled his name. His expression immediately changing, he had on a death glare if I do say so my self. He looked fucking pissed, I've never seen him so angry and what confused me even more was that it was directed towards Hanji.

Hanji finally stopped when she was a few feet away from him and caught her breath. “Where did you go Friday I was worried, I came to check on you and you and your stuff were gone.” She panted out. She looked worried, I guess she didn't let him leave. He left without concerning her. This kinda pissed me off but I knew Eren wouldn't do it without good reasoning, right?

“Why did you leave?” She tried reaching out and grabbing him but he jerked his arm away from her. Hanji looked at him confused and to be honest so did I. “Eren, what's wrong?”

“You're what's wrong! Did you honestly think I wouldn't figure it out!” He was furious and anyone around who wasn't blind could see it. Hanji was looking kinda hurt but she was more confused than anything.

“Eren, what are you talking about?” She asked. Her words though only seemed to anger him anymore. He was curling his fists and he started to shake slightly.

“I trusted you! I told you everything and you betrayed me! I thought you were my friend Hanji!” At those words Hanji took a little step back. She seemed to realize what he was talking about. From her expression I could tell she felt a great deal of regret.

“Eren I am your friend.” Her eyes were a little teary. She had a soft and quiet voice when she said those words. She tried reaching out again but he just jerked away again.

“No! You're not, not anymore! I trusted you and you betrayed me! You lied to me, Hanji! You know how I am when it comes to trusting people but you did it anyways.” There was angry tears swelling in his eyes now but he refused to let them fall “Some fucking friend you are, oh wait were, some kind of friend you were!” And with that he turned on his heel and started towards the exit, Hanji was yelling after him but he just kept walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oohh how did I do? Was it okay? Are you guys mad? I know I would be if I was you. Were you expecting it? I was cx
> 
> Well please leave a comment or a kudos cx Next chapter will be out very soon, I promise.


	3. Surprise visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren retrieves his things and heads home but what will wait for him there. Levi finds something to occupy his time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!  
> PHYSICAL ABUSE/VERBAL ABUSE  
> Please if this triggers you skip in. It's only the first part of the chapter but this is a really important chapter. i'm sorry if abuse triggers you or you don't like it, this is how it had to be written in my story. 
> 
> Other than that I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Something happens in here that I hope you guys like, I know I loved it.  
> Please tell me how you felt in the comments.  
> Now on with the chapter.

Eren

I don't know how long it took but the bell finally rang. I took in a deep breath and jumped down. I watched the students file out of the school. Some in groups, some by themselves. I watched as couples held hands and hugged each other goodbye. I wonder what it's like to be in a relationship, I bet it's nice. Having someone care about you and you feeling the same way back. I wonder if I'll ever be able to experience it.

I made my way towards my locker quickly. I really didn't want to risk running into Hanji. That would be terrible, I could barely control my anger earlier. I unlocked my lock and grabbed my bag. I shut my locker with more force than necessary. The sound went echoing through out the halls. I threw my bag over my shoulder and started towards the exit.

The walk to my house wasn't long but I was taking my time with it. I was dreading going home. I had some ideas of what was going to happen once I got there. 1. Grisha could already be there 2. He wouldn't be there. And 3. I could go home and nothing would happen.

I had to hold in my laugh at the thought. I knew option three was impossible. Also I was never that lucky. I was hoping that he wouldn't be there and that I could somehow avoid seeing him today. As I turned on my street I could see my house, the car was in the drive way.

“I fucking knew it....” I murmured to myself. I knew that I was going off of wishful thinking. Okay option one it is. I took slow steps towards my house and thought, what's the worst thing he could do. I was hoping for the best. My steps finally reached the front of my house, I looked at the front door and took a deep breath.

I walked up to the front door and opened it slowly. I sucked in a deep breath and held it as I walked through the door. I was expecting a lot of things when I shut the door behind me, one thing I wasn't expecting though was a bottle getting thrown at my head.

I looked back at the door where the glass shattered. A few shards hit me but nothing to severe. There was glass sticking to the wall and there was liquor splashed all over it. I turned back to see him walking towards me.

“You're a worthless piece of shit!” He reared his foot back kicking me in the shins. I double over and he grabs me by my hair. He yanks hard, bring my face up to his. “It's all your fault! You know that!” He bangs my head on the wall, I can feel the plaster crack with the force. I feel warm trickling down my neck.

“Look at you, you don't even fight back!” I should fight back but he beats me in both size and strength. I stopped trying along time ago. “You're pathetic!” He pulled his fist back and I squeezed my eyes shut. I waited for the impact but it didn't come. I felt myself being thrown to the ground. I cried out in pain as my head hit the table near the door.

I rolled onto my back to look up at him. He was standing there taking off his belt. I Knew what was coming next, I tried getting up and running to my room but he kicked me in the stomach. I fell back down, I was having trouble breathing now. I saw him pull his hand back and I shut my eyes tight. The familiar stinging pain landing on my torso came and then again and again and again.

“P-please.....dad....p-please...s-stop.” I don't know how I got the words out but I did but by the look in his eyes now I wish I hadn't. He brought his foot down hard on my stomach. The air was knocked out of me and I groaned in pain. I rolled over onto my stomach trying to crawl away, winching at the pain from the belt. I reached my hand forward in an attempt to get away but he brought the belt down on my hand. I cried out in pain as I watched the skin break and bleed profusely

“Don't call me that, you're not my son.” He spat. Who was I kidding he was right. I have nobody, moms gone, father hates me, Hanji betrayed me, I do have Jean as a friend but he'll just turn a blind eye on everything. I cradled my hand to my chest and began to cry a silent cry.

“Look at you “He brought the belt down on my back over and over again. I screamed at the pain.” Crying, Awe does it hurt.” He bent down and grabbed me by the collar. His face a few inches from mine. I could smell the alcohol coming from his mouth and into my nose. I wanted to gag at how strong it was.

“I wish you were never born!” And with that he threw one final blow at my face and threw me to the floor. I saw him through tear filled eyes grabbing his coat and heading towards the door. He slammed it shut behind him as he left.

“I wish I was never born too....” And with that everything went dark.

Levi

I was jogging in the cold night air when I heard yelling. My jogging route was leading me closer and closer to the noise. Then it stopped, I hadn't notice before that I was in front of Eren's house. I looked towards the door and saw a man coming out. He had a large trench coat on along with a hat. He had really long hair and glasses.

He slammed the door shut behind him and walked to his car. He kept whispering to himself. I could only make out a few words from where I was standing, I never thought I'd be hiding behind this bush again. I heard him say the words “All your fault”,“Wish”, “Never”,”Hate you”. I couldn't make out anymore because he then got into his car (slamming the door shut so hard I thought it would brake) and drove off.

I stood there for a moment to try and think. I looked down at my phone to see the time 8:24. I looked back at the door, Eren should be home right. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and started walking towards the door. I got to the front steps and took a deep breath. Why should I be nervous it's just Eren's house. I shouldn't be having this weird feeling in my stomach.

I brought my fist up and knocked lightly on the door, not hard but loud enough to hear. I waited a few seconds but nobody came. That man if he came from here then he had to be Eren's father right. If he was the one yelling who was he yelling at. That feeling in my stomach, the feeling that tells me somethings wrong.

I knocked again but much more louder, still nobody. I was feeling slight panic. Nobody was coming to the door, Where's Eren. Where could he possibly be at this time. I don't think he has any friends to go to. But maybe I'm wrong, maybe he does have friends and they just don't go to our school. Eren's fine, he's okay. I'll see him tomorrow at school. He's fine, everything is okay. I backed away from the door and started walking away. I looked back at the house and then started jogging again.

When I finally got done with jogging it was almost ten. I just couldn't help but past his house more then I'd like to admit. Every time I did the feeling just got stronger but I had to make a choice and hope I didn't regret. I headed up the elevator up to my apartment. I unlocked the door and entered, taking off my hoodie and shoes. I set my shoes on the mat and hung my jacket in the closet near the door. I locked the door behind me and headed deeper into my apartment.

I went to my bedroom to get a change of close and headed towards the bathroom. I felt sweaty and gross, I had to shower or else I'd start clawing at my skin. I set my stuff down on the sink and went to start the shower. I turned the dial to almost the hottest setting before getting in. The hot water helped my body relax but not the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I tried to ignore the aching feeling to go back. I turned around and let the hot water run on my back. I could feel the tension in my shoulders start to go away. I grabbed my shampoo and pour some in my hands, rubbing it in my hands before applying to my hair. I massaged it into my scalp a little before grabbing my washcloth. I grabbed a bar of soap and rubbed it into the cloth a little. I washed my body more than once in a failed attempt to calm the feeling in my stomach.

I reluctantly got out when the water turned freezing cold. I shut the shower off and stepped out, I grabbed a towel that was hanging on the rack next to the door. I dried my body and then my hair, running the towel through my raven locks trying to dry them. I hung the towel over the rack and started with my clothes. I grabbed my pair of black boxers and stepped into them, sliding them up my legs. I grabbed the large shirt I grabbed and pulled it over my head, it barley reached my legs but I was okay with that. I liked sleeping in big shirts and hoodies and it's not like anyone will ever see me in them, well beside Hanji but she's Hanji.

After dumping my dirty clothes in the hamper I walked over to my bed, landing on top with a quiet thump. I sighed heavily and pulled the covers back and got underneath them. I had a queen sized bed so it was quite big for someone my size. And yes I just called myself small shut the fuck up. I settled myself onto the side I always slept on and tried to relax.

I layed there for the better half of and hour trying to calm myself but it wasn't working. I couldn't get the thought of Eren leaving that house at night, leaving Hanji's place in the middle of the night as well. The thought of that man leaving that house beyond pissed. The thought of me knocking on the door and nobody answering the god damn door. The thought of seeing through his makeup and noticing his bruises.

I turned over in bed and shoved my face into my pillows. I let my mind wonder to his sparkling eyes. The color of blue and green swirling together, making an indescribable color. The only thing I could think of that came close to the color was the ocean. I smiled lightly at the thought of his eyes and I felt myself slowly drifting off.

 

I woke up to someone banging on my door. Groaning, I got up and paddled my way to my door. Whoever it was has been doing it for about two minutes now. I didn't even peep out the hole just flung the door open.  
“WHO THE FU--” I stopped when I saw a familiar mob of brown reddish hair and goggle glasses.” Hanji, what are you doing here?” I stepped aside to let her enter.

“I came by to pick you up short stuff.” I shot her a glare at the nickname, she just giggled. “Hurry up Levi or we're going to be late.” I glanced at the clock on the stove. It read 6:34, school started at seven. I started towards my room but stopped at the doorway.

“Don't burn the place down shitty glasses.” I called out and went into my room. I could hear her cackling from here. I sighed and grabbed my clothes and headed towards the bathroom. I walked in there and noticed the black circles under my eyes fading away, I guess I got a really good amount of sleep besides my usual 2-3 hours of sleep. Stupid insomnia.

I showered and dressed, heading back down to find shitty glasses thumbing through her phone. “Come on four-eyes lets go.” I said coolly with a slight hint of amusement. She must have got it because she erupted into a fit of laughter, well cackling. I swear she sounds like a fucking hyena. I walked over to the closet and grabbed my jacket, pulling it on. I walked over to the table where my messenger lay and slipped it over my shoulder. I grabbed my shoes slipping them on and opening the door.

“You coming shitty glasses?” I asked slightly annoyed.

“Coming short stack.” She sprung to her feet. I shot her a glare at her stupid fucking nicknames. She rushed over to the door slipping her shoes on as well. She walked outside and I locked the door. The walk to her car was short and quiet, it wasn't until we got into her car that she turned to me. She was staring at me pretty intently and it was making me fucking uncomfortable.

“What!” I snapped. She only looked closer. I huffed in annoyance, I grabbed the front of her goggle glasses and pulled them back and released them.

“OW, LEVI!!” She screeched as she rubbed at her face. I just smirked.

“That's for staring, haven't you've been taught not to stare.” I scolded. She put the keys in and started the car, putting it into drive and heading towards school. I was still waiting for an answer to her staring but I didn't think I was going to get it.

She pulled into the parking lot and we hopped out. We were walking up the stairs and she started talking.

“It's because you look different, Levi.” She said with a small smile. We walked into the building. We reached where we usually split and she headed towards the science department. I kept walking forwards to my locker. I quickly unlocked it and put my bag in there, only grabbing the books I needed for my next class.

I looked into the little mirror that was in there and looked at my eyes. Wow Hanji really did notice a difference, it panged my heart with a little happiness. I was actually very grateful to have Hanji has a best friend, not that I'd admit that to her.

I looked down the hall and frowned, I looked at Eren's locker and he wasn't there. He's usually always there waiting for class to start but he wasn't. I thought back to last night and I felt panic wash over me. Maybe he was already at class or maybe he was with that horse-faced guy.

Lunch

I sat there at my usual table tapping my foot impatiently waiting, waiting for him to walk through the door and make his way to his table but he never did. I probably sat there staring at the door long enough to burn a hole through it. I checked around the cafeteria one last time, checking just in case I had missed him somehow but he still wasn't there. I was starting to fidget a little and that abnormal for me and I guess people noticed as there stared, I glared at them and they quickly adverted there gazes. I got up and stormed out of the cafeteria, I walked to my locker and grabbed my shit. I started towards the front.

Once I was outside I let out a sigh and started on my way back to my apartment. The walk took roughly a half an hour but I didn't mind, not when it was this quiet out. I looked up at the sky and saw it covered with clouds, ranging from white to gray, various shades. I tryed to clear my mind but it wasn't really working, my thoughts were plagued with Eren. Some good and some bad, I don't know what it is about him but where ever and when ever he's around he always catches my attention. I believe it to be his eyes that stand out, out of everything. I've noticed that lately his eyes have become duller than normal, I'm afraid that soon his eyes with lose their light completely.

I shook my head furiously, that would never happen, not if I had any say in it. I may not know Eren that well but I plan to, I want him to know how I feel. I want him to be mine and I want to be his, I want to be the one that'll make him smile and laugh. Be the one to love him with everything they have. I don't know why or how but I feel this connection with him, one that I haven't felt with anyone else.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a car passing, I looked around to see where I was. I looked down the familiar street, the one I would always go jogging along and the street where Eren's house was. I sighed and started walking towards his house.

Once I was in front of his house I was feeling a little nervous, I couldn't tell you why I was feeling it, only that it was there. I took a deep breath and started up the walk way, stopping a few feet in front of the door. I took the moment to look around and check my surroundings, there was no cars in the streets and nobody around. There was an eerie silence that filled the air and it was deafening. The feeling in my stomach was much more than nervousness now, I was feeling something that was intangible.

I took the last few steps to the door and took in a breath, I took one last look around and then brought my hand up to the door and knocked. I waited, waited for a few minutes actually and then knocked again. I waited and sighed, maybe the kid wasn't home. Turning away to start back towards my apartment I heard a creaking noise, I looked back to see the door opening (Very slowly I might add). The door opened half way to reveal Eren, He was in sweats and a (really) baggy shirt. His hair was more crazy than normal, his face was slowly bruising form what I could see.

He opened the door a little wider and I got a tiny glimpse of the front entry way, there was glass shards everywhere. I can tell he's relying heavily on the door to support his weight by the way he's gripping the door handle. I looked down at his hand, only to see a huge gash mark on top of it. I guess he noticed my gaze on his hand because he hid it behind his back, looking away. I decided to try and ask the one question I've been dying to ask ever since I layed my eyes on him.

“Are you okay?” I asked, trying to keep my calm expression when he was obviously hurt.

“Me? Uh y-yeah.....” The surprising tone in his voice was obviously there. He also sounded somewhat disappointed with his answer and to be honest so was I. I could tell he was lying by the way he was nervously scratching at his head and avoiding my gaze. I sighed and looked around to see if any one was around but there was no one. I cleared my throat to get his attention again, when he finally looked back up to meet my eyes I started.

“Why aren't you at school?” I asked. I wanted to ask so many different questions but I didn't want to scare him off. I knew he was hurt that much was painfully obvious. I knew he needed help but I wasn't sure I was the one who was going to be able to give it to him. I wanted to go to Hanji and demand her to tell me whats going on but I couldn't. If I was going to know anything it was going to be from Eren.

“Oh, u-uh I was sick?” He stuttered. He said it more as a question than an answer. Nice lie brat. I decided to 'believe' it for his sake. He was now looking down at the ground, staring at it like his life depended on it. I was about to ask something else when his head snapped back up.

“Wait, why aren't you at school?” He questioned.

Oh yeah, I ditched school early to come check up on him. Would he think that was weird if I told him that, I could always come up with a lie. NO! I can't lie to him. I'll just tell him the truth and hope for the best, plus I really do need to talk to him.

“I saw that you weren't at school and I really needed to talk to you, so here I am.” Now I was the one who was avoiding his gaze, after a minute or so I looked back up to see him staring at me in disbelief.

As I stared into his eyes I realized that there were gold flecks surrounding his iris, in that moment I'm pretty sure I wasn't breathing. I don't understand how I've never noticed it before but now that’s the only thing I want to see. It is really an amazing sight to see and I wonder if anyone has ever noticed it.

I don't know how long we were staring into each others eyes but it felt like an eternity to me, an eternity I didn't want to end but everything has to come to an end at some point. I was reluctant to look away but I still had to ask him a few things. When I looked up at his face there was a cherry red blush forming on his cheeks and he quickly adverted his eyes to the ground.

“So what was that fight with Hanji about?” His head snapped up so fast I was sure he got whiplash, I saw anger rise within those stunning eyes. His jaw tightened visibly and he grew stiff. He was now clutching the door knob so tight his knuckles were white. He was now staring at me with those eyes that set me on fire, I could see the anger and the hurt in them perfectly clear. 

“Did she send you here!” He practically yelled. He was furious and it was directed partially at me, I was actually regretting asking but I needed the answers.

“She didn't send me here to do shit, I came here because I was concerned.” I could see all the anger leave Eren's body at once and then I realized what I just said. I mentally face-palmed myself, I hadn't meant to say that last part but there was no going back now.

“Concerned? Why were you concerned?” He questioned. Fuck it. I let out a sigh before running my hand through my hair. He was looking at me with uncertainty and I wanted to take that look away.

“Because you're Hanji's friend and she's my friend.” I could see that he was visibly disappointed and he a sad expression on his face now. He looked up and I could see it in his eyes, the hurt and betrayal there.

“You were there yesterday, were not friends anymore.” His voice sounded broken almost.

“Then you're my friend, how about that?” I had no idea what I was doing but honestly what did I have to lose. He was looking at me with those eyes and I could see light in them, a light that wasn't there before.

“We're friends?” I could see hope burning in his eyes. I wanted to be more than friends with him but you have to start somewhere don't you, plus even if he didn't want a relationship with me I would be just fine being friends.

“Yeah, why not?”

“But you don't even know me.” He looked almost ready to give up on the thought but I wouldn't allow it.

“Well how am I suppose to get to know you if we're not friends, right?” His face broke out into a blinding smile and he nodded, a blush forming on his cheeks again, I could feel mine getting hot at the sight of his gorgeous smile.

“I would like that.” I nodded and gave him one of my rare small smiles. I could see his shock but it went away as fast as it came and his smile just grew bigger.

We stared at each other, smiling, until my phone started buzzing. I pulled it out of my pocket to see the name 'Shitty Glasses' flashing on my screen. I clicked ignore and turned back towards Eren, he was standing there smiling to himself and the scene made my heart melt. When he noticed me staring he looked up and blushed.

He looked back into the house and stiffened, he turned back to me with an anxious expression. I got the feeling that something was wrong and was about to ask but he cut me off.

“I-I'm sorry but you gotta leave, like now.” He said while looking around outside. I took it as a hint that someone was coming back.

“Okay....I'll see you at school tomorrow, right? I asked. I wanted to stay longer but I knew it was time to go, I was just hoping I would see him tomorrow.

“Uh yeah, I'll be there. Bye Levi.” And with that he shut the door.

Tomorrow, I can wait that long.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that I didn't trigger any of you. Just the thought of that was making me worry. 
> 
> I hope you guys liked the chapter though. If you did please say so in the comments, itll make my day.
> 
> There might be more triggers on the way so if any of them bother you then make sure to read to notes in the beginning. 
> 
> I am currently working on chapter four so it should be done soon but I have some christmas shopping I need to get done. I will try to get a couple of chapters out during break, so wish me luck cx


	4. Their thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Levi's surprise visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooohoooo another update!!!!!
> 
> I am so sorry about not updating, I got sick right after going out for my birthday and was stuck in bed for the last of winter break. But im still alive so no worries, school as started up again so imma try and write as much as possible.
> 
> With that being said I hope you enjoy the chapter, theres not much dialouge but alot of Eren and Levis thoughts about one another.
> 
> Now on with the reading.

Chapter 4

I don't know how long I stood there after shutting the door.

Levi

Levi and I are friends now, he came to check on me because he was concerned, for me. I was still processing the shock of everything that just happened. But it wasn't just shock, it was also happiness. I couldn't stop the smile that came to face at the thought of me and Levi being friends. Maybe I do have a chance at happiness.

I moved to head back up to my room and prepare myself. It was almost 3:00 and that meant that Grisha would be home in a few hours and I had no idea on how that would turn out and I had feeling the odds weren't in favor. I stopped by the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and some Tylenol for my aching body.

After making it upstairs I decided to pull out one of my sketch books and my pencils. I started with his sharp jaw line and up to the lift of his cheek bones. Down to the curves of his neck and shoulders, to the dips of his collar bones and up to his hair. I made the longer strands about cheek level and started sketching his undercut. I wonder if it was as rough feeling as it looked.

\------

After a while, I finally looked at my phone and found it almost to be six thirty. Confused, I got up and looked outside my door. I checked in my fathers room and there was nobody in there. I went down stairs and checked the living room and kitchen and still nobody. There was an eerie energy lingering around the entire house and it was sitting right with me.

I pulled out my phone again to see if I had any missed calls or messages. There was a lot from Hanji but I wasn't going to answer or return any of those. There was also one message from an unknown number. I didn't recognize the number but checked the message anyways.

Unknown- Hey, it's me Levi. I made Hanji give me your number. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I hope you don't mind me having your number. [6:17]

I couldn't control the wide smile that had spread across my face. My heart was fluttering in my chest at the message, I re-read it a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly. I couldn't believe what I was seeing but it made me feel warm inside.

After a few minutes of staring at my phone I thought of a response to type back with.

Me- No I don't mind you having my number and yes I’m okay, thanks for asking. [6:21]

After I clicked sent I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I went to the number and added it to a contact, just a simple one. I clicked my screen off and slipped it back down into my pocket. I went to look in our cupboards to try and find something to eat, after looking through almost all of them I finally found what I wanted, mac and cheese.

I grabbed a pot and added some water and put it on the stove, while waiting for it to boil my phone went off again. Setting my pot holder aside I grabbed my phone from my pocket.

Levi- Okay, that's good. Are you still gonna go to school tomorrow? [6:30]

I pondered at the question, I really wasn't feeling up to it even if it meant getting to see him. I picked up the box and tore it open, dumping in the noodles and letting that cook. I grabbed my phone and typed out a response.

Me- I was going to but I'm really not feeling up to it, sorry:(  
[6:34]

I knew he wanted to see me at school and I wanted to see him as well but I just couldn't go like this, I couldn't barely stand without using something to lean on or hold me up. I hated to admit that someone was able to make me feel and act this way and it was all because of him.

I grabbed a spoon and stirred the pasta until it was cooked and added in the ingredients, stirring it until it was all mixed together well. Pouring it into a bowl, I grabbed my spoon and went to go sit on the couch. As I sat down my phone went off again. Setting my bowl in my lap I pulled out my phone.

Levi- If you want I could come by tomorrow, I don't mind ditching class. So this way you won't be bored. [6:50]

My heart swelled at the message, he'd ditch class to come here. I could feel the blush rising to my face at the thought of me and Levi hanging out together. I had to calm down before I could even type out a message.

Me- Would you? That would be great. Maybe get to know each other better? [7:01]

At least I'd still get to see him tomorrow and I would get to know him better I hope. I honestly wanted to know everything about him. Get to know all his flaws and perfections, all his little quirks and dorky moments, just know everything I can.

My phone buzzing brought me out of my thoughts, I looked down to see another text from Levi.

Levi- Yeah, I would like that. I'll be over around eight? [7:21]

Wasting no time, I typed out my response.

Me- Sure, that's fine. I'll see you tomorrow, night Levi. [7:24]

Now I was too nervous to eat but I still managed to eat most of it. Getting up I went to go wash my bowl and head upstairs. Checking the time once more I saw that it was close to seven thirty. I had this eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that something bad was going to happen but I tried to push aside. I walked back to the living room with a broom and started sweeping up all the broken glass pieces. Can't have Levi getting suspicious, that would be awful.

Scooping the last of it up, I dumped it into the trash. Walking back into the kitchen I grabbed another bottle of water and some more Tylenol and headed upstairs. I took one last look around the house but it was still the same.

When I got to my room I shut the door and turned the lock into place just in case. I didn't need him trying to get in, in the middle of the night but even I knew he could probably get past the door. I went and layed down in my bed, shutting off my light as well.

I don't know how long I layed there lost in my own thoughts but the buzzing of my phone brought me back to reality. I reached out and grabbed my phone, the light blinding me momentarily.

Levi- Okay, see you tomorrow, goodnight Eren. [7:50]

Before I knew it, I had a giant smile on my face. The feeling finally sinking in, that Levi and I were actually friends. I knew I wanted to be more than friends but I probably would never tell him that, he probably didn't even like guys.

Laying back down I finally relaxed into the soft sheets of my bed. I don't know how long I layed there thinking of Levi before sleep finally took me but when it did, it was probably the best night sleep I had ever gotten.

 

Levi

I don't know how long I stood there after the door closed.

I hadn't expected any of that to happen but I’m sure as hell happy that it did. Everything almost turned to shit but I guess I got lucky. I turned around and heading home with a slight smile on my face. I looked up at the sky and the cloud were slightly getting darker. It looked like it was going to rain soon. I slowed my pace down just a little, hoping to enjoy the weather just a little longer.

I wasn't like a normal person, I didn't like when the sun was out. I liked it when it was dark and cold, rainy and thunder. I always thought that the rain had more power than the sun. I strong winds, the strength of the rain.

About half way home it started to drizzle and I was perfectly fine with that. People always said that my eyes matched the stormy skies and I always agreed but I knew that I could never match the strength of a storm. I thought back to Eren and thought of his eyes, the greenish blue color that looked to beautiful to be real and the little flecks of gold that surrounded his irises.

When I thought of his eyes I thought of the ocean. The calmness, the rage, the beauty, everything the ocean could offer. When you looked into his eyes you could tell what emotion he was feeling. The emotion I always saw was sadness and despair, it hurt me to see such a beautiful person be in such a sad state.

Without realizing it my smile turned into a frown. With a sigh I shook my head to rid such thoughts. I was going to try my best to keep him happy and I was going to try my hardest doing just that.

By the time I got home I was nearly soaking wet but I was to lost in thought to do anything about it. After taking off my shoes I went to strip my clothes and hop in the shower. The shower felt amazing, washing away all my worry and panic away from earlier. I just stood in there and let the warm water loosen my tight muscles. I finally got out when the water started getting cold.

After drying off and changing I went and grabbed my phone to call my insane best friend. It was something I rarely did but I needed to talk to her and she did call me earlier. Grabbing my phone I headed to the kitchen to make myself some tea.

I put the kettle on the stove and waited for it to boil. I thumbed through my phone until I reached a familiar contact. Sighing, I click on her name and waiting for the rings. It only rang once before her voice ran through my end.

“Levi ackerman calling me first?!?!?! Oh, boy what's wrong?” The whistle blew on the kettle and I picked it up to pour the water into my cup.

“Nothings wrong Shitty Glasses, well I'm not sure about that I just needed a favor.” I grabbed a tea pack from my cabinet and stuck it in my cup.

“Sure, what's up buttercup?”

“I was wondering if you'd be willing to give me Eren's phone number.” I was met with silence. I was waiting for her screeching or yelling but it wasn’t coming. When her voice rang through it was very soft and quiet.

“What happened?” She sounded almost scared from what I could tell.

“Nothing happened, well I'm not completely sure... I went over to Eren's earlier and he looked kinda banged up. We talked a little bit and now we're friends. I told him I would see him tomorrow but something tells me that he won't come.” Again she was silent over the phone, the only sound that could be heard was her breathing.

“Here's his phone number; xxx-xxx, tell me if anything happens.” And with that she hung up. I blinked in surprise, she never hung up on anybody. She must still be upset about the whole Eren thing. Shrugging, I typed Eren's number into a contact file and sent a text.

\-----

I don't know what possessed my mind to text Eren what I had said but it turned out surprisingly well, I was disappointed that he wasn't going to be at school but I came up with a better option. Hopefully I would get to know more about him tomorrow

Putting my book down and getting up from the couch, I went to my bedroom to change for bed.

I pulled off my pants and shirt and tossed them into the hamper by the bathroom, opening my drawer I pulled out my pajama shirt and slid it on.

Climbing into bed I settled under the soft comforter and let my mind wonder. I was curious about what would happen tomorrow with Eren and I, hopefully something good.

I let myself think about his gorgeous smile and his vibrant coloured eyes, and with that my mind was finally taken by sleep. 

Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd did you guys like it? Did I do okay? Was there mistakes? I hope not, I checked this thing like six times.  
> Well i hope it was okay, theres gonna be some eren and levi in the next chapter. I am currently working on that chapter right now actually so wish me luck.
> 
> Remember comments and kudos are greatly accepted. I answer all comments too, so please let me know how I did.


	5. Boyfriend?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi comes over for the second time, maybe something good can come out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys I'm so sorry about not updating, alot of things have been happening. some not so good family came by and it wasn't good and my girlfriend broke up with me on wednesday so I was pretty upset. But here is a new chapter, well the first part of it. cx  
> I think you guys are gonna like this chapter, i know I really did.

Chapter 5

Eren

Blinking my eyes open I could see the sun shining through the window, groaning softly I sat up rubbing sleep from my eyes. I took a moment to regain my focus and took in my surroundings. There were clothes on my floor, my dresser was cluttered with papers and drawing utensils, my closet was open and spilling with old boxes and notebooks, my bathroom was closed just like I had it last night. Everything seemed to be in place as it was but something felt very wrong.

Pushing away the feeling I got up from bed and checked my phone, it was only half past six so I had plenty of time before Levi would be here. Getting up I headed towards my dresser to grab a change of clothes and heading to the bathroom.

After doing my business and brushing my teeth I started to peel off my clothes, turning on the shower and adjusting the water temperature to scalding to wake myself up. I just stood there for a minute, letting the water run all over my body.

\----

Only when the water started turning colder did I realize that I was standing there for longer than anticipated, reaching up I quickly grabbed my body wash and lathered my body off and rinsed. Repeating the process with my hair did I get out.

Toweling dry, I pulled on my dark green boxers. I grabbed my dark gray skinny jeans and squeezed into them, reaching to grab my dark red long-sleeved shirt and slipped it on. I looked in the mirror at my appearance and decided to put in my piercings, I had a double helix in my right ear and a single helix in my left along with an industrial, I also have 2.05 tapper gauges in both of my ears and to complete the look I added in my snake bites. 

I usually never wore my piercings because Grisha had a problem with them and threatened to pull them out if he ever saw them again, also my school was very strict when it came to that kind of stuff. I wonder what Levi thought of piercings, I remember seeing him with a few in but never asked.

Taking one last look in the mirror I headed out of my bathroom and into my room to check the time on my phone. I had about fifteen minutes until Levi would be here so to pass the time I went about picking things up to make everything look at least a little bit more decent.

Heading down stairs to make sure all the glass was picked up there was a knock on the door, Wow he's early. Doing a quick look around I walked over to the door and took a deep breath, I grabbed the handle and turned it, pulling the door open and was met with jet black hair and piercing gray eyes.

 

Levi

For the first time I awoke to the sound of my alarm, usually I never needed it because of my insomnia but last night was probably one of the best night sleeps I have ever gotten. Looking around I realized the sun shining through my window, I looked down at my hone to check the time a realized I only had an hour and a half to get ready and head over to Eren's house.

Feeling excitement run through me I hurried out of bed and grabbed a change of clothes and headed into my bathroom. Once in there I did my three S's, Shit, Shave, and Shower. I took a little bit longer in the shower than I normally did because I really wanted to look nice even though I was only going over there as a friend.

Hopping out of the shower I started to dry of, reaching out I grabbed my black boxers and slid them onto my pale legs and up to my waist. I slid on my black skinny jeans and completed the outfit with a black long-sleeved shirt. I walked back into my room and checked the time, I had about twenty minutes until I had to be there.

Pocketing my phone I headed towards the front door and slipped on my black combat boots. After checking all the lights were off and had My phone and keys I headed out the door and down the hallway.

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't run a little to get to his place early. Finally coming upon Eren's street did I slow down to a mere walk. From here I could see that the driveway was empty. As I continued getting closer I could feel the butterflies come back at full force.

I started up the walkway and I could feel my hands getting sweaty, with a grimace I wiped them on my pants and stopped in front of the door. I pulled out my phone and saw that I was only a few minutes early, steeling my self I brought my fist up to the door and knocked.

Not even a few seconds later the door opened up to reveal Eren and damn did he look fucking hot. From his tight ass pants that hugged his legs nicely to his shirt that clung to his arms. And holy shit he has piercings, he had quite a few in his ear and then he had two on his perfect shaped li..... and right now is definitely not the time to pop a boner. Shaking my head lightly I noticed Eren's staring at me as well. He had this look in his eye that I couldn't quite understand but it looked something akin to happiness.

When he noticed that I was staring back at him he blushed and stepped out of the way to let me in. “Uh... c-come in.” He stuttered.

Walking inside I took off my shoes and he led me over into the living room. I could see he looked nervous and didn't quite know what to do, he glanced up at me to see my stare already on him and he blushed more.

“Um we can hang out in here or we can go up to my room, up to you.” I actually thought about it for a second and decided I wanted to tease him.

“How about we head to your room.” His blush increased significantly and I smirked. He started up the stairs and I followed suit. Walking into his room was like walking into an art classroom, there was art utensils everywhere and there were many discarded drawings and sketches scattered about. I looked around and saw different pieces all along the walls. Paintings, sketches, charcoal pieces and many more.

They were of people and landscapes, symbols and just random things. I couldn't stop the awestruck face I had turning around to look at him, Eren was standing by the door looking embarrassed.

“Eren...” He looked up at the sound of his name.” These are amazing, where did you learn how to draw like this.” His face morphed from embarrassment to shock.

“You like them....?” I nodded and his face broke out into a dazzling smile, I returned it with a smile of my own.

“You're the only person who has ever seen them actually.” He said with a sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. I looked at him with shock. Someone who draws this beautifully shouldn't hide it.

“Why?” I asked. He looked at me with an unfathomable expression, there was a sad look in his eyes.

“I don't know if you've noticed or not but I don't have many friends, not even a handful. Plus nobody I like has ever been in my room.” He explained. I thought about what he said and he said that nobody he likes has been in here.....

“Wait you like me...?” His head snapped up at the question and a deep blush started forming on his face and stretched down to his neck and ears.

“Um.......” Now he was looking everywhere except my face and god did I find it adorable. His entire face was red and he was fiddling with ends of his sleeves.

“Eren....” I walked slowly over to where he stood, his eyes trained on the ground below him. Standing in front of him I gently grabbed one of his hands with mine and held it there.

He looked up at me with those Caribbean eyes and time seemed to freeze. My eyes flickered between his eyes and his lips and I could see the same look from him as well. I leaned up and closer to his face and heard his breath hitch. Stopping until our noses were almost touching, me looking at him with a question in my eyes. His eyes flickered to my lips and I took that as an answer and leaned in and closed the space between us, closing my eyes in the process. Softly pressing my lips against his and oh my god his lips are so soft and warm. I felt him stiffen for a moment but then he was leaning into it. He was returning the kiss and it made my heart ache.

I placed the hand that wasn't holding his around his waist and pulled him closer, I felt his hand rest on my side, bunching up the fabric in his hand. Slowly moving my lips against his something sparked, it felt like electricity running through me and I could tell he felt the same way by the way he pressed himself closer.

Only when the kiss started getting breathless did we pull away but only an inch. Our eyes opened to reveal one another, a cherry red blush painted his cheeks and I'm sure mine looked the same way. His eyes were shining brightly and it made me want to jump for joy.

“So...I take it that you like me.” I questioned, He flushed even more and dropped his head on my should with a groan and I laughed. I brought my hand up and rubbed his back gently.

“Yes.....” He muttered into my shoulder. A smile made it's way on to my face and I hugged him to me.

“Well I like you too.” At that he looked up at me with a smile that made my heart melt. I leaned back in and left a chaste on his lips and he smiled into it.

“So....uh what does this make us?” He asked awkwardly.

I smirked at his nervousness and gave his hand a squeeze. “Well that depends...Would you be my boyfriend Eren?” I could feel my heart pounding away in my chest, the butterflies were going fucking nuts inside. Eren went silent but I took that has he was thinking, I didn't want to pressure him into anything but I god do I hope he says yes.

“Yes.” His response was quiet but firm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like it? Was it okay? Any horrible mistakes? If so please let me know and I'll go back and fix it.  
> If you guys really liked it then please let me know in the comments it would make my day honestly.
> 
> The next chapter will be part two so you guys have that to look forward to cx I'll try and have that chapter out soon but I can never be to sure, life keeps being a bitch.
> 
> Ahaha my friend once told me "Life is like a dick, when it gets hard, fuck it" Some wise words to you.


	6. Can you hear me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some one else decides to visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so sorry for not updating, moving was a hassle and i'm working on my other fic, plus other stupid life drama...  
> Anyways I'm sorry if this chapter kinda doesn't sound right I was kinda rushing to at least give you something and a friend of mine was also motivating me so that helped as well.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!  
> Panic attack happens but its not anything glory, I wrote it like I have experienced them and everyone has them differently as well so... 
> 
> Next time it will be hopefully alot better, my writing gets affected by how i'm feeling so you can probably guess how I've been feeling.
> 
> Anyways on with the chapter

Chapter 6

Eren

I was a blushing mess even before I let him through the door, I asked him where he wanted to hang out and now here we are, my bedroom. I was more than self-conscious about my art work, no ones ever seen them beside my mother. I didn't think that Levi would judge me on them but there was always that unknown factor, what I wasn't expecting was for Levi to actually like them.

He walked into my room and stopped, he took his time looking at the pieces along the walls and when he turned back to me he had an awe struck look on his face and my heart thumped in my chest.

“Eren...” I reluctantly looked up at him” These are amazing, where did you learn how to draw like this.” My face changed to shock at his words.

“You like them....?” I asked softly. He nodded and I felt the smile spread across my face, he returned it with a small on of his own.

“You're the only person who has ever seen them actually.” I said with a sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck. He looked at me with a disbelieving expression

“Why?” He asked. I looked at him with a sad look in my eyes, I haven't opened up this much to really anyone in a long time.

“I don't know if you've noticed or not but I don't have many friends, not even a handful. Plus nobody I like has ever been in my room.” I explained. I saw his face as he processed the information and something clicked.

“Wait you like me...?” My head snapped up at the question and a deep blush started forming on my face and I could feel it stretching to my neck and ears. I didn't realize that slipped out until he pointed it out.

“Um.......” I was looking everywhere beside at him. Now he was gonna leave. He didn't want someone like me, hell I didn't even know if he was gay.

“Eren....” My eyes were trained on the floor below me but I heard him coming closer to me and saw him out of my peripheral vision. He stopped right in front of me and he took one of my hands and held it in his.

I looked up at him and stared into steely gray eyes and time seemed to freeze. His eyes flickered between my eyes and my lips and I did the same. He leaned up and closer to my face and my breath hitched. Stopping until our noses were almost touching, him looking at me, there was a question in his eyes. May I? My eyes flickered to his lips as an answer and he leaned in the rest of the way. I closed my eyes and felt a pair of warm lips press against mine. His lips were so soft and warm, the gentleness in the kiss. I stiffened for a moment but then I was leaning into it. I returned the kiss and my heart started jumping around.

He placed the hand that wasn't holding mine around my waist and pulled me closer, I moved mine to his side and gripped at the material of his shirt. Then he slowly started moving his lips against mine and something sparked. I pushed closer in and he pulled me closer in response.

Only when the kiss started getting breathless did we pull away but only a little bit. We both opened our eyes and looked at each other. There was a slight blush on his face and from the warmth of my face I could tell there was one on my face as well.

“So...I take it that you do like me.” he asked and I felt my face flush even more and I dropped my head onto his shoulder with a groan. He just laughed and rubbed my back

“Yes...” I said into his shoulder, he pulled me tighter against him and sighed in relief.

“Well I like you too.” With that I lifted my head to look at him and he leaned back in to leave a chaste kiss on my lips and I swear my heart was going to pounce right out of my chest. Wait what does that make us?

“So....uh what does this make us?” I asked awkwardly, I didn't know if this was just a kiss or if this was going to be something more

He smirked at me and gave my hand a squeeze. “Well that depends...Would you be my boyfriend Eren?” I felt my heart explode in my chest. Boyfriend. Never in a million years did I think I was ever gonna have one of those, I've never had had one before. I stood there silently thinking over his question, he'd have to be patient with me cause I had no idea what I was doing. I realized that I probably would have to open up to him but I was gonna wait as long as possible before that happened. I thought of the question once more and nodded.

“Yes.” My answer was soft but firm.

*Time skip*

Somehow we ended up downstairs on the couch with snack on the table and drinks in our hands. I honestly thought that things were going to be awkward between us but things were moving smoothly. We were currently playing a game of twenty- one questions.

We were only on turn three cause he was laughing to hard at my story about the time I got stuck in a tree, the thing was that I was sixteen when it happened. I remembering being up there for hours before I finally just jumped down and man did I feel stupid about it. After he stopped laughing I excused myself to the restroom leaving Levi in the living room.

I was in the middle of washing my hands when I heard a series of knocks at the front door, figuring Levi would answer it I quickly dried my hands and headed out there. Walking back into the living room and heard a very familiar pair of voices and I froze in my spot. I felt my heart sink and pick up in the same beat, all the air left my lungs and my knees barely buckled.

Levi turned to me when a gasp left my lips and his expression changed from bored to one of concern in zero seconds flat, I felt my body start shaking and it was suddenly really hard to stand. I saw Levi turn to the door and say something but his words muffled and sounded like they were underwater.

My chest was tight and no oxygen was coming to me, I knew what this was, I was having a panic attack and I couldn't stop it. I swayed dangerously and stumbled over my own foot, feeling myself falling I braced myself for the pain but it never came, a pair of strong arms caught me and held me against them.

My vision swan as I looked up at Levi and his lips were moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying. He slowly sat down on the floor with me sitting in his lap and my head resting in between his hands. He mouthed my name over and over again but I was losing focus. I was panicking, I was in shock, just hearing them and knowing that they were right there is affecting me more than I thought possible. I gripped at Levis shirt tight, willing myself to try and focus on the man above me.

“.....Eren!......Can you hear me?...” I stared up at him with hazy eyes and tried a slight nod but instantly regretted it cause my vision started going dark at the movement. “...Come on Eren....Please... you need to breathe..” His eyes were scared and concerned and that was just enough for me to take in a tiny breath.

“Come on, another. In.” I struggled but got another in. “Out.” I let it out and saw Levi start to relax. “Another. In.” We kept this up until I could breathe normally again, along with the gentle movements on Levis part. I was struggling to keep my eyes opened now and was dozing off against Levis shoulder, his hands were running softly through my hair.

“...Eren...” Levis voice was just above a whisper, his hold on me was soft but it was also comforting, warm, and it felt safe. I relaxed completely, letting all my weight lean on Levi, just give into his embrace. Everything was becoming muddled around me and I was perfectly okay with that, as long as I was with Levi I knew I'd be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it, if not then I'm sorry but I just couldn't. I guess this was kinda a filler chapter and if panic attacks bother you then maybe this isn't the fic for you, Things will get better though. cx see you guys next chapter


	7. Important authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Important message

Look guys I´m honestly terribly sorry that i havent updated in so long, at the time it was time that I didnt have and then it was writers block that I was struggling with and then it was my depression and anxiety and now im just tired, tired of many things and ive been trying to write recently and ive talked to an important friend/really good author of mine and I told her that I was possibly going to be deleting this story but she told me that I just had to take a step back and try again so I guess Im not going to delete it but I am going to try and write I just dont know when and when a update will be out. I know that if I do get writing again and have a solid rhythem I will be updating but the thing is that I just dont know when that will be. 

I wish I could be a better author and writer, I wish that i wasnt disappointing you guys. I will be writing a simuilar message for my other story as well so if you read both of them then i guess you know the situation goes for both of them. I also want to thank you guys for actually reading my story and liking it, leaving comments and kudos, it does motivate me and I really do appriciate every single one of you guys. You guys make me feel really great and i love you all and im sorry. I will be back and I will finish the stories I have written its just the matter of when. If any of you have any suggestions or ideas I will listen to them and try and find the best way to add them into the story, maybe it will even help me to continue writing better. 

~Alex


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